How can a relationship fulfil you?

It simply can’t.

The only person that can fulfil you is you.

So, the only thing we can work on is making sure that you are fulfilled, and that you do not need to look for fulfilment in anybody else, as this is a myth.

You have heard it so many times before; clear your own baggage before you come to a relationship.

If you leave your partner with the old baggage still there, you will take it to the next and run into the same problems in the new relationship.

Is that true?

Yes, it is, so how are we going to make sure you get rid of the old baggage?

You need to work on you.

The word “work” is so heavily loaded, so let’s just say you need to play on you. Sound a lot better already?

You can get fulfilled relationships by making sure the first relationship of your life is fulfilled; the relationship with yourself.

How do you feel about yourself?
Are you married to yourself?
Daft question.

Are you your own best friend?
Another strange question.

Well, do you like yourself?
Sometimes, not always.
Ah, there is a place to start.

Do you think you could ever like someone else?
Yes, of course.

Do you have a best friend?
Yes…. Where are you going with this?

Do you have a spouse, partner, girlfriend/boyfriend?


Ok, so now let’s look at the following.

You are in the bathroom, brushing your teeth, squeezing a spot or two in front of the mirror. You look at your face. Mostly what you do, is look at it in a clinical way. A hair out of place here, bloodshot left eye, how can I remedy that? Rummage through cabinet for eye-drops, tilt head back, pull down lower eyelid and squirt a small drop of liquid into left eye, blink a few times, inspect eye in mirror again and yes, or is it my imagination? The white looks clearer and does not show any of the previous night’s bacchanalia that went on at my friends’ party.

Further inspection, down to the nose, oops! Forgotten to trim those hairs lately, they are getting out of hand and show their ends OUT of the nose, not a pretty sight. Well, shall we use tweezers, or just a pair of nail scissors to trim them down? Must get those blunt ended ones, as we have managed to nick the inside of our nose on so many times now, it is not funny. And it makes our eyes water for a few hours, especially when we have a cold, it totally defies our object of looking handsome. Anyway, trim the hairs against the odds, luckily did not cut ourselves. Don’t know how those girls cope with having their noses pierced. Can’t understand for that matter how anyone can get anything pierced, somehow.

Carry on with inspection. Spot on chin can no longer be ignored, we rest one elbow on the shelf and squeeze the other in between the mirror and the chin. Too close, the mirror gets steamed up by the breathing from our nose. Breathing through mouth doesn’t help here, just means that a larger area is fogging up, not as thickly, but still enough to obscure the vision of the offending spot on chin.

All that self talk stuff going on in our heads. Tapping into the universal mind-chatter.

How about looking into your own eyes next time you look in the mirror? As if they are someone elses? Someone who you love deeply? What do you see? The eyes-mirror of the soul….where is yours?….the person who is looking at you from the mirror….just the eyes, remember?…..what beauty do you see…. Boundlessness….infinity…..look for it and find it.

Do once daily for 3 weeks and notice what is different…. Have fun with it and let me know your experiences at Brigitte@brigittesumner.com

About the Author:
Brigitte Sumner, Sex and Relationship Coach

You can listen to interviews with Brigitte on this site – type her name into the search box on the top right of this page.

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